Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Sem Break

It was a month long, brain drying final's "month" for me. The first of the many finals to come. Yes, that's how it is during the "final's month" in law school. It's not the usual "final's week" we had during college. Those times were great... We can still afford to drink up before the we study. But this past month, I even forgot what weekend was. My Sundays became an obligation to study... going to the coffeeshop, reading the codal provisions and trying to make a reviewer out of it. It was neck bending, back hurting and I feel like I'm in a bubble wrap with bubbles as my brain.

But my hell doesn't end there. It's a mix of total mental and emotional breakdown. A preempted burnout caused by insensitive people trying to get a piece of me. Always trying to get a piece of me... It sucks knowing that they should have been my wall. They should have been there for me. They should have supported me. They should have UNDERSTOOD. I frequently ask myself "Am I that hard to understand?"

Last friday, I folded. I couldn't take much of the pressure anymore. I only had three exams done... another three to go. I was about to explode. Luckily, the coffeeshop where I was at was near the Cathedral. I went there... knelt... and asked for divine intervention. I don't usually talk to HIM but that was the time that I really needed comfort. I had an answer, an epiphany of some sort... but my mind was still figuring out what to do...

I didn't recover much. But I gathered myself just enough to be able to finish my three remaining subjects. But every night, I never find peace nor solitude. I wanted to run... run away from the people that didn't seem to care. The don't understand... They only want more. More of what I cannot give. But I was patient...

As my sembreak started, I wanted to have a real "break". But work is work... No sembreaks in the office. I started fixing what I felt was needed to be fixed. Now that I have the time to give... but I failed. I failed to make things work no matter how I try. You're you.. and I am me. Last night, I realized that I needed to keep my pride. There's no point in hurting each other. We might as well simply walk out... and enjoy our break. ***

Thursday, October 4, 2007

In Vino Veritas

In Vino Veritas...

In wine there is truth.

There are things better said with it. Nevertheless, it is still the truth. The untold story or a mere expression of what has been or what has become. The silence has been broken...

The truth hurts, for some. But for some, it is a chance for deliverance. A chance to be better.

The truth is still the truth. May it be with wine or without. ***

Thursday, September 13, 2007


Trust is never said. It is earned.

I woke up feeling deserted. My friends did. My supposed friends whom I thought would be able to be there when I needed them. I need them now but they're nowhere. I sought consolation to the people I barely know. What's worse, They might actually be the ones who are making my situation worse. This is a hard fought reality that sometimes, people aren't who they are supposed to be. I don't pity them. But I pity myself for choosing the wrong crowd.

But It doesn't end there. Another person, more important than my friends didn't care. She cared more for trivial things. I needed her all this time. She didn't only did nothing... but she did me wrong. I've been a fool all this time. Is she over him? Was she ever over him?

Things could never get worse. I am alone. The door slowly shutting down. Future: I don't see the point why... ***